The Comeback or the throwback (after my crash)?

It’s been a month, actually 6 weeks since my crash. I had to make up my mind of when I was coming back in the peloton. I know myself, if I plan this too much, I won’t go through with it. Just because I would push myself too much. Cycling is still a hobby.

So I just decided, made up my mind, this is the day 5/6/17..

I have to, I need to..

I lied in bed, actually the sofa was my bed (I couldn’t take any stairs, or walk), for two full weeks. I tried to get back on the bike. It’s important to take the soreness out of your muscles and joints, but it didn’t last long. Went to the fysio, (very important to check if everything is still in it’s place, it may feel that way but after a crash it never is), the masseur, everything to get my body back to normal. I knew I had to sit this one out for a while..

Everyday a nurse came to help me clean my wounds (i’m going to give you some advice on scare reducing in a next blog). My boyfriend had to watch me cry everyday in the shower, during the cleaning out..

After two and a half week, I tried to get out for a ride again. BOY that one hurt like HELL! I was so happy, I could enjoy the sun, the nature and my bike back again. I wasn’t that afraid to ride again, because I can control myself. It’s the others i’m afraid off. So no, still no race for me. My mind and body aren’t there yet.

Is my mind ever going to be back in that place again?

I started training again, slow, short and very careful. The shape you lose during those two/three weeks that you can’t ride, isn’t regained in the same amount of time. It takes months. In the beginning you feel like a newbie again. It’s weird to get back on the same thing that brought you down. But it shows how much you love it, and need it.

Thanks to some friends I rode in a grupetto to get use again of the feeling that some is riding before, next and after you.. and it helped. I didn’t even think once that I was going to kiss the asphalt again. So for the next weeks I often rode in the group, with pain but I endured it. Just so I could do again what I love even though it hurt so bad at times.

June the 5th; D Day…

I decided that I was ready to race again, everything is almost healed, just the shoulder was holding me back a bit, I pepped myself up by saying – hey pro riders do this all the time.. So I can do this too. Don’t let the fear of what could happen, stop you. I was so scared, my heart was pounding in my chest. My hands were shaking when I was putting my team kit on. The waiting and waiting and waiting at the start line, didn’t make it any easier. 3,2,1 And off we went..

During the race I could turn the fear switch off, and go. I gave it my best, but I felt that my body had been out of the game for a while. I wasn’t scared, until the point we had to sprint. My mind is still not ready for that, the pushing and yelling brought me back to the crash, I just didn’t mingle. I couldn’t. My body and mind just asked me not to.. So I finished as 32/93, and the rush afterwards was worth the fear I had before the start.. HEY I’M BACK ;).


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